I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
smell my finger.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
