how can u be prego again
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
