I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
