my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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