I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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