i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
True college students do jello shots in the library
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
