Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Sext me about skeletons
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
