I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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