he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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