That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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