Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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