wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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