It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
