We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Of course I have a pirate flag
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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