so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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