so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
People in love make me want to vomit
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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