Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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