the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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