Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize