I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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