I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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