If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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