I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
