the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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