My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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