Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
