i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
