we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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