I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
