I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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