Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
