belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize