Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
