I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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