so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
