do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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