I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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