his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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