you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
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