Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
