is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
