did you get engaged???
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
