Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
This can only be settled by a dance off.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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