break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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