I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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