we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
