How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize