I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You left your phone here
Wait...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
