Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Randomize
