I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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