So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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