We named our party play list daddy issues
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
All I want is dick and wine.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
