Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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