guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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