ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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