i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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