woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
