my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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