Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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