Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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