I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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