We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
