I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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