If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize