best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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