Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
