I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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