Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
