Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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