That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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