you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
