Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
