Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
