i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
