Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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