Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
