Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
