He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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