I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize