there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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